Reasons Running is the Worst

The Winter Edition

Chafing. Can we talk about this for a minute? The most unfortunate mishap for a runner. I mean I’m sure losing a toenail is worse, but less likely. So we’ll stick with chafing here.

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The Talkers-Into-A-Frigid-15K

I did the Hot Chocolate 15K this weekend. It was about 20 degrees at the start with a windchill in the single digits. By the time the race was over, it had reached a balmy 22 degrees. In the absence of the sweltering heat, I had let a few essentials go to the wayside. Like Body Glide. You don’t think about chafing in the winter when you’re wearing pants. But pants have seams, and a hot shower is an ugly reminder of long run mishaps. Conclusion: Wear Body Glide in all conditions. We’ll just leave it at that.

Runner’s Brain. Like this mindset that all of us runners have that we can brave any element. Rain? Wear a specialty running rain jacket. Cold? Craft apparel. I mean they outfitted the Olympic Ski Team! But you wanna know what this is all for? Running. Or skiing. I mean you’re moving the whole time, right? I wasn’t the least bit cold while racing. Rather comfortable, in fact. I had all the right gear. But a 50 minute wait in the cold post-run –nope! But I have runner’s brain, and I’m invincible and can face any element. Except when I cried from the 22 degrees-ice-picks-through-my-fingernails-and-my-chocolate-was-frozen 15K.
(PS. If you’re not wearing Feetures merino wool socks, you’re doing it wrong. Kiss those frostbite toes goodbye. Not even joking. My toes were the only warm appendages.)

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The socks that never lose their shape or their warmth!

Runger. Ravenous Hunger caused by Running. I wake up hungry. I go to bed hungry. I’m a 4’11” gal with the appetite of a 6’0″ football player. It’s unfair. Curb your appetite by munching on an apple they say. Get out of here. An orchard for one, please.

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(Or an oversized doughnut for one!)

Gut Bombs. If you’ve never had a gut bomb, you’re lying. I don’t believe you for a second. If you don’t have gut bombs anymore, it’s probably because you’re using Huma Gel or Tailwind Endurance for your water. Huma was created by a Vanderbilt grad student. Tailwind by some super cool dudes in Colorado. They’re like rocket fuel. Try it.

Sweat. It’s disgusting! Then your friends are like, “let’s go get brunch.” And you’re all sweaty. And windburned. But PTL for athleisure wear. You may look like a prune after killing that long run, but you can look cute to boot!
(Postscript. Nuun does wonders for that pruny feel. Electrolyte up before sipping mimosas. I’m a firm believer in a time and place for decaf anything. Never, and in the trash. So I drink Nuun Energy.)

Windburn. Briefly aforementioned. But here’s my tip. Don’t wax your lip 2 days before running a 15K in single digit wind chill when you have a headcold. You might end up with a mustache as impressive as your boyfriend’s.
Sorry bout your luck. No photo!

But alas. Running is great because we get to share in this crazy, legs aching, run til you puke thing with other like minded people who like to justify oversized doughnuts and drink beet smoothies to supercharge their runs. We do it for the runners high [legal in all 50 states]. Running for a great cause — like The Special Kids RaceFor camaraderie. For Boston. For yourself. Or to test the limits of the human heart. Or maybe to test how many doughnuts a girl can eat in one sitting ;)
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